check this out

So me and my friend Eric are starting a novelty hip hop group... because novelty things are fun, and hip hop is fun to make fun of...

so here are the lyrics for our next single

tell me what you think

Da Debut by Da Beta Dawgs (funny hip hop name? yes!)


CHORUS
Yo it's the beta dawgz, embraceable
Virtually unhateable
We're definitely mateable
If something better comes along, perpetually replaceable
Yo, it's the beta dawgz, embraceable
Our girlfriends are inflateable
Our egos are deflatable
Could we win a fight with a baby? That's debatable

ERIC
I went to Hogwarts, Ron was jealously mean mugging me_
Madlibs, adverb? I've gotta say thuggingly_
Suddenly I'm on the scene like Scorcese_
Went on Riddlin but it made me more lazy__

I'm crazy, haven't even ate for eight hours like Ramadon_
Cause I saw the signs like Ace of bass and Shyamalon_
More frustrating than the lost boys at Comicon_
I only watch ENG when the funny llama's on__

Jon Malon said it would be overcast like Jack Black_
At potawatomi, growing low on cash playing black jack_
Going to the store Jordan, pick me up a snack pack_
I'm on fire, call Kurt Russell, he put it out on Backdraft__

On the fast track, as if I was riding raging bull_
The sound of cash registers? beta dawgz mating call_
Gotta do wrong cause it's pretty dang cool_
See a pretty girl, wanna bang her by the pool__


I want to swim in your canal like the panama_
I wear a panorama of colors in camouflage_
I've got asthma, it's a drag like grandmamma _
I don't know when is best to stop, like banananana__

Avra kedavra, put a spell on you like screamin jay_
uncle ben before he died must have been creaming may_
Decked out in Fubu, not too much to do_
In my room, watching stuff on youtube and hulu__

Jordan's on the hunt like you're the prey and he's the predator 15_
Keep you in the paper ($) every day like he's the editor 15_
Dude will make you scream like Carl Weathers in the predator 15_
Put two things together, give them meaning like a metaphor 15__

I've got several more lines than Downey junior's mirror_
Driving down the road, getting closer to the beer store_
All up in girl's grill as if I was George Forman_Most days
I don't leave until four in the morning__

Jordan's usually snoring at about a quarter to three_
Dude gets more lady can than Chef Boyardee_
There are girls in the room getting fingered like bassoons_
While jordan's in the saloon getting blown like balloons__

A cartoon drawing cartoons, hey that's Jon Arbuckle_
I saw Sinbad on the street, I was way too starstruck yo_
I wear a hip pack, where I store my moneyclip_
My hair's slicked back and I adore a funny chick__

You can catch me channel surfing, watching TBS_
But you can also see me when I'm on Beaches like Bette_
When the waves are raging, man is it scary_
They've got me sweating them like Hayden Panettiere
CHORUS

JORDAN
Pull up a chair and rock out with your wiener out 12_
Like Skeet Ulrich, give you something to scream about 12
When I'm drinking tea, I always use a cozy 12_
Got a field of beats thicker and fatter than Rosie 12__

I'm like Barry Bonds, I get so player hated 12_
I last a long time like fruit irradiated 12_
I could kill you all as if my name was Goku 12_
Sorry if I offended you, mercy bopu 12__

The ladies think I'm hot to fantastic degrees 12_
Playing tonsil hockey, scoring hatricks with ease 12_
I don't like my ladies stocky, so no fatchicks please 12_
We're natural enemies like matchsticks and trees 12__

I glow like molten plastic, in a bowl of ashes 13_
My flows are versatile, like they're made of elastic 13_
Some people try to tell me that my flows are spastic 13_
My flows are thicker than molasses with glasses 13__

It's sunny outside like it's Bono not Bono 12_
I like the ladies more than Rosie O'Donnell 12_
Got more hip hop than the rabbits at the bunny store 13_
If I get dumped I bounce back like a bungee cord 13__

I got flows pooring out, like it was a heavy day 13_
Got the girls getting wet like after the levee breaks 13_
I'm the desperado like the Eagles or Jim West 13_
Frank Caliendo's impressions always leave me unimpressed 13__

I never wanted warts so I always hated frogs 13_
Looking at the data logs, hey it's the beta dawgz 13_
I started investing, I bought me a sweater vest 13_
I'm a pirate looking for bigger booty or better chests 15__

My flows aren't pussy, like a tabby or a calico 15_
My wee wee's not pee wee in the basement of the Alamo 15_
Put a dime in the slot, throw it in her like magic fingers 15_
Have you vagina lip syncing like you were karaoke singers15__

Thanks for listening to these raps, I commend you 12_
I hope my raps didn't happen offend you 12_
I hope that this rap wasn't too bad to listen to 12_
If you are a cute girl, I may not mind kissing you 12

CHORUS x2

Reception, Theater Lab and Electra/Oscillation

So I finally got another job! I am one of the three people taking turns working the Pius XI switchboard, I'm a receptionist! That makes me more likely to be sexually harrased right? God I hope so... wouldn't that be fantastic! Anyway... The young kid musical in a week starts in two weeks... I'm excited for that... I probably get my own intern as an assistant. Awesome? YES! Necassary? God no... I'm excited for that as well. I may even be getting an assistant director for the normal Lab... again, awesome yet completely uneccasary. Anyway, I've been working on music for Electra a lot lately... Too much really bizzare research into really bizzare music. Do many other college students know how to build square wave oscillators? I think not...

Ok... its been a little while...

My junior year of college is finally over. This has honestly been one of the longest years of my entire life, I thought it would never end, and now that it is over, I am excited about next year/nervous for life/sad about the Seniors that I like leaving.

I get to work on Electra next year... AHHH!!! I am so excited to work on that show. If you are asking yourself "what are you doing on Electra next year" I can tell you... Well we(Betsy Foster is Directing, and I am writing music) are doing an adaptation of the play Electra with the help of the wonderfully talented Dr. Janice Fuller. The music, as I see it, is going to be a little combination of Brian Eno, Philip Glass, Tom Waits, traditional Greek and ancient Greek music... and idk probably some other stuff... Thats about that...

Ok... So I am listening to the Talking Heads right now, and it is awesome...

Banquet was last night, it was a ton of fun, probably the best banquet yet, despite what some of the negative people thought would happen.

Holy Top 5 Batman!

Alright, alright, alright! I know what you have all been wondering lately... What kind of stuff is Jordan into, so I know what to be into? Alright... here goes this most recent Top 5

5. Directing 1 with Beth Homan... sigh... It is so fantastic, and interesting, and marvelous. I might be in love with this class/ Beth Homan.

4. The adventure being made by Justin Lewis and I... TONIGHT! Tonight we leave pleasant Salisbury after our rehearsal, drive to Atlanta, stay overnight at a friends house, wake up early to go to his audition, drive back! 12+ hours in a car! WOO! I actually am excited strangely enough, I love a good road trip.

3. The English language. Thank you English language for being so awe-inspiring and fascinating. I want to study you for the rest of my days...

2. William H. Macy and the fact that he plays the ukulele. Look it up... He is brilliant. Me and William H. Macy are basically the same person... we both play ukulele, which makes us awesome...

1. The Mountain Goats. Seriously... Check them out... I know... they have been around for a while... but I have too many other bands I was trying to get into... The Mountain Goats didn't have room, now they do. They are the perfect band for me right now. So... GET OVER IT! But... they are really crazy inspiring me to writing songs, because they prove that you don't need much other than a few chords and some awesome metaphors, which I can provide! So... yeah... their album Get Lonely... get it... NOW!

Side note: CANDACE!! WE NEED TO DO A SONG FOR A COFFEE HOUSE BEFORE YOU GRADUATE, OR I WILL MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GRADUATE! GET IT! ( I mean that I'm probably just going to cry and hope you decide to do a song with me...)

Peace all... I love you all... well... some of you...

For Valentines Day

Don't blame the day... thats one thing i have figured out, its not the days fault... here are a couple of my favorite love poems...

in spite of everything...

in spite of everything
which breathes and moves,since Doom
(with white longest hands
neatening each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds
-before leaving my room
i turn,and(stooping
through the morning)kiss
this pillow,dear
where our heads lived and were.

           --Edward Estlin Cummings

The Quiet World


In an effort to get people to look
into each other's eyes more,
the government has decided to allot
each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it
to my ear without saying hello.
In the restaurant I point
at chicken noodle soup. I am
adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long
distance lover and proudly say
I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn't respond, I know
she's used up all her words
so I slowly whisper I love you,
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

 -- Jeffrey McDaniel


I hope you enjoy

ughh

this year has been and continues to be, completely miserable...

I was watching the movie, High Fidelity recently, and their is this monologue in it about whether music or misery came first, and the more i think about it, it was misery. I could listen to the most upbeat music i can imagine and i would still be as unhappy as i am when i put on elliot smith...

i hate this feeling, its awful... fuck this

sorry if this is a complete downer...

I steal Ideas

SO... I stole Candace's idea for Top 10 Lists... except I'm going to change it... At least for now, its a Top 5, mainly because they make top 5 lists in High Fidelity... Sure this isn't the same as Candace's, but its my first one... so get off my fucking back asshole... I feel like there is a pause in between back, and asshole, I didn't mean my backs asshole... I meant like "get off my back (beat) asshole"... you get it...


Alright... So to start it out...

1. High Fidelity... I know... I made a reference because it's that good... If you haven't seen the movie, ask me, I will lend it to you... or we can watch it together... If you haven't read it... Read it now... it's worth it...

2. Illegal music downloading... I know it's illegal, but it leads to Jordan ("Did he just speak in the third person?" you ask yourself to which I reply "Fuck Yes, and Fuck You." I'm sorry about that fuck comment...) finding some cool and interesting new music to listen to...

3. Music in general... Seriously, if this isn't on everyones lists of favorite things of all time, then you can get the fuck out... there is the door! Mainly, when I say music in general, I mean the creation thereof, I don't mean some vague sense of the word.

4. Girls who are into poetry... If you are into Billy Collins, I am into you... It's as simple as that. Okay... Even if you aren't into Good Sir Collins, but you are into poetry as a medium, then I like you... Unless of course you are some shitty emo poet or you are into Maya Angelou... I fucking hate Maya Angelou...

5. My new paint brushes... they are the keenest...